Put him down in front of other people – Most men will not counter this type of humiliation in public – if ever. They will simply take it – and hurt. If they do eventually address it it will be out of stored up resentment – maybe anger – and it won’t be pretty.
Go behind him when he tries to do something at home – When you always show him how much better you can do things than he can do them, his ego is injured. When he fixes the bed – for example – and you follow behind him showing him the “correct way” immediately after he finishes, he is reminded he doesn’t measure up to your standards.
Constantly badger him – If he doesn’t do what you want him to do and you remind him. Again. And, again – never accomplishes what you think it will. In fact, it injures him with the opposite result.
Use the “you always” phrase…excessively – Because, he “always” does. Not really, but when you accuse him that he always does – sadly, it only helps build him into a man that always will.
Hold him responsible for your emotional well-being – Acting as if he’s the reason you feel bad today – and every other day you feel bad – puts undue pressure on him he doesn’t know what to do with. And, you don’t have to tell him. Subtly, just be in a bad mood towards him – without releasing him from guilt. He will take the hint and own the responsibility. He will think it’s his fault even if it’s not. And, he carries the pain.
Complain about what you don’t have or get to do – He has a desire to fix things. He wants to be a provider. Every man does. Some attempt to live it out and some don’t. But, when he’s trying, doing the best he can, yet he feels he isn’t measuring up – he’s crushed. When you are always commenting on what other women have – that you don’t – he carries the blame – even if you’re not intending it to be his.
Don’t appreciate his efforts – Want to injure a man? Refuse to appreciate the things he feels he does well. It could be work, a hobby or a trait, but he feels part of his identity in the things he does. When you don’t find them as “valuable” as he does, his ego is bruised.
The reality is a man’s ego – self-confidence – sense of worth – is greatly tied to his wife. Just as a woman’s is to her husband. We can be fragile people. Some more than others. And, some seasons more than others. Understanding these issues and addressing them – with a third party if necessary – build healthier, stronger and happier people and marriages.
I understand some women, especially the equally or more wounded women, are going to take offense to this post. I get that. I’m prepared for that – I think. All I can say is that you can’t measure my heart or my intention. As I said, I aim to help. You can’t address what you do not know. If you are guilty of any of these, the response is up to you. If not, well, thanks for reading to this point in the post anyway.
I’m praying this lands on ears that need to hear.
Author: Ron Edmondson